This Boy Will Break My Heart Someday

I finally caved and read "The Fault In Our Stars" like everyone else and their mom, and there was a line I particularly loved:

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once." 

For me, that was how I feel in love with my baby boy. And I'm just going to warn you right now. This post is pretty dang sappy. 

It was different with my husband. James and I had high school crushes on each other that God helped us bake into something more substantial. We've got a crock pot love. With Jensen, I very slowly started to fall in love when I saw him on the ultrasound and then BAM. When I held him in my arms for the first time, the feeling in my heart was explosive and fierce. 

In a marriage, you have faith and hope that your spouse will stay with you until death do us part. With a child, you love them knowing that they will very most likely leave you someday. I've tried to explain to a few friends without kids how I feel about Jensen and its hard you do that without saying "I just love him SOO much." That's lame, so this post is me trying. 

He's my little partner in crime. He lights up with the biggest smile when I walk in to get him up in the morning, and it makes my whole day brighter. He had one pointed elf ear that is so stinkin' adorable it hurts. He has chubby little thighs obtained exclusively through breastfeeding, and for some reason I'm just really proud of that. The overwhelming consensus is that he looks like his dad, but with my eyes, which is very Harry Potter-esque and I freakin love that. He smiles at everyone like they are his favorite person and for a moment, I think they believe him. 

I try not to think about the day that he won't need me anyone, but I can't help it. Every time I put another outfit away that he's grown out of, I want to just shout STOP GROWING UP ALREADY. Someday soon, he won't be so thrilled when I wake him up in the morning. Someday soon, his chubby little thunder thighs will lengthen out. Someday, I will no longer be his number one lady. And someday, I will have to let him go. 

I hope he still loves me when he grows up. I hope he has the courage and strength of his dad. I hope he is loving and kind. I hope he grows into a man who loves God.

But I can't think about that too much. I have to enjoy loving him as he is now, and pray for the man he will become someday. My little baby. He will break my heart someday, but loving him every moment until then, and after, is worth it.

<3 A.

Note: Remind me to come back and read post when he's drawing on my walls and putting frogs in my shoes. 


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