When You're Far Away

My granddad passed away a little over two weeks ago. He was a great man and I was really lucky to have known him. But we live in South Korea right now. So I wasn't able to fly home for the funeral.


Okay. Technically I could have. For about $2000 and 20 hours of travel, I could have loaded up my 4-month-old and my almost-three-year old and flown by myself (because my husband couldn't take off work) to Springfield, MO. My husband even told me that I could go if I wanted to. But I made the decision to stay. It wasn't just the long flights, it was going to be two jet-lagged babies too. So my heart was broken once when I learned that he passed away, and twice when I made the decision to not go to be able to hug my grandma and my dad. I prayed about it and came to peace that it was the right decision, but that didn't make it any easier.

When you're a kid, you imagine all these things that must eventually happen when you grow older. Eventually, you get married. You usually have kids. At some point, I knew that I would lose a grandparent. Frankly, I do feel lucky to have made it to almost 30-years-old before any of my grandparents passed. But that didn't make it any easier. And I feel older and sad.

I had this hope that we would one day get stationed at Fort Leonard Wood and we would spend some weekends fishing together in Missouri. The chances were actually pretty slim, but the possibility is still gone now and that hurts.

The last couple years, James and I have actually prioritized seeing family and grandparents over other traveling. I have zero regrets about that. My granddad didn't get to meet Ellie in person, but he got to meet Jensen several times. Jensen probably won't remember, but it meant a lot to my granddad to meet his great-grandson.

Four generations.
The distance is hard. I wish everyone we know could just pause for us so we don't miss anything else until we get home.

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