"How do you cope?" (Bella vs Hermione)

I've been getting this a lot lately. How do I deal with it? I mean, really? Half the time I feel like I have no idea. Most times I tell people that I just try to stay busy (and do stuff like run a lot). And obviously that does help. But it's a lot more than that.

I've been following a lot of military spouses and girlfriends on twitter the past few weeks. I thought it might help since I'm not near a military community right now. Do you know what I've seen? A lot of pain, loneliness, and probably depression (although of course I can't diagnose that from tweets alone I suppose).

It sounds really romantic for our significant other to be our everything. But what happens when our everything is gone for 12 months? Deployments last a long time. That's a long time to be sad and lonely. And it reminds me of this:

source
When our men are our everythings, we look like Bella. Don't get me wrong: James is still a priority in my life. I've sent him a care package of goodies every single week that he's been gone and my sleep schedule is really messed up from talking to him late at night online. And I'm still gonna have really bad days when I feel like curling up in a fetal position and crying all day.

But, I think I'm happy. Happy? Really? Yes. How? My husband is doing what God's called him to do. He's a hero defending our freedom... and looking oh so sexy in his uniform. He's in God's hands. I'm in God's hands. Basically I'm learning that more trust in God equals more contentment with the situation. Some days I trust God more than other days. And on the days that I don't as much, I look like Bella. My husband was never meant to be my everything; God is meant to be my everything. And God's never going to have to leave.

Also, Hermione is so much cooler than Bella anyway. I want to be more like Hermione. I just have some half marathons and a marathon to conquer instead of Voldemort. :)

<3 Amy

Comments

  1. I wanted to stand up and applaud at the end of this post. I love that picture and the sentiment.

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  2. I love this comparison between Bella, Hermione and Military Spouses. When our husbands are gone for so long they really can't be our everythings~

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  3. This is a great post and a great topic. I was really dependent on my husband before he left, so it's been a real struggle to re-learn (or learn for the first time, in some cases!) how to do things on my own. I try to be like Hermione, but I have my days.

    The biggest thing I've found is that "typical" ways of making someone feel better do not work for me when it comes to deployment. For instance, shopping does not make me feel one iota better, but it's something that lots of people suggest. I've tried retail therapy, but it doesn't cut it. Even running doesn't make me feel better. (Maybe that's why I'm never satisfied with my performance.) A hobby cannot fill the void that a person leaves. I have definitely grown in my faith since my husband left, but again, I still have a ways to go.*

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    Replies
    1. So well said "A hobby cannot fill the void a person leaves." I'm the same way.. the typical ways never make me feel better either. :/ I think that running helps me feel better in the long run (heh.. no pun intended) but I never get done running and think "Ahh.. I'm less sad now." Even going to get a massage doesn't really help me. I kind of feel like I'm just wasting money when I've gone.

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  4. So true. It is so important to be well rounded... especially if your spouse is going to be gone for months at a time!

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  5. I am so glad I came across this post. With my husband in Afghanistan, I've been having trouble these last few months in finding that balance. Sometimes I feel like my every day needs to somehow revolve around him and sometimes I am just so detached and numb to it all and then I feel guilty for doing so. I needed the reminder that he isn't meant to be my everything. While a definite priority, I need to rely on God and myself right now.

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