Friday, September 16, 2011

Restless

Next week, I'm leaving this:



The beautiful, calm flatness of Illinois, for the more adventurous mountains of Ft Lewis, WA. I took this picture of a bike ride. It's going to definitely be different running and biking in higher altitude with with actual hills.

We're moving. Next week. And James is getting deployed in December for a year. Ick. Much sooner that we thought it would be. But I'm glad it's before kids are in the picture.

After talking it over with James and some close friends and family, I think I'm going to go ahead and move out to Washington with James, be with him out there for a little less than 3 months, cook him good food, be an awesome homemaker wife, but them move back to live with my family in Illinois for the year once he deploys to Afghanistan. I feel kind of weird moving back in with my family after being married almost 2 years, but they want to be there for me and it gives us that wonderful opportunity to save a lot of money by not paying rent.

Yes, I know. It's messy. We have to move everything now, because that's when the Army is going to pay for it. So we'll move everything across the country. Then when he deploys, we'll put everything in storage and I'll pack my car with the things I'll need for the year and drive back across to Illinois.

Crazy. I know.

I'm not really used to living in constant transition. I like it when things settle down and the moving is done, the boxes are all unpacked.

But that's not really Army life.

I heard Switchfoot's new song on the radio the other night.

"I am restless, looking for you"


I realized that's me recently. I even said to James on the phone yesterday (maybe half jokingly) "I don't know what to do with my life!" What am I going to do with myself for three months in Washington? What am I going to do with myself for a year while my husband's in Afghanistan? Grad school? a job? Should I just be a full-time blogger for a year? Should I be a hippie and just travel around visiting friends? I realized that possibilities are endless and it's a little overwhelming. There is a sense of independence and freedom there but it's overshadowed by an overwhelming sadness that I won't be with my best friend for that entire year.

I found the Switchfoot song on youtube and someone had posted this quote:
"You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you." - St. Augustine of Hippo

I'm going to get to live with my husband for three months. And things will be calm for a while, but we'll know the deployment is coming. I realized that I'm not going to get any sense of calm apart from God right now.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

So for now, I'm learning to roll with the punches, be comfortable in the transition, and find my rest in God.

3 comments:

  1. Amen, sister! :)
    Psalm 62:5 - Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.
    Praying for strength, Amy, as God uses this time of transition to draw you even closer to Him. Love you!

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  2. Oh Amy!!! I understand EXACTLY how you feel! Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing in law school right now . . . no one is ever going to hire an attorney who has to move every four years!!! But my love for my Army move overwhelms my desire to be a partner in a law firm one day. I don't know what I am going to do either. I'm always here if you want to talk :)

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