Endure
I just got to Skype with James for the first time since he left from R&R (1 month and 20 days). Since then, we've only been able to IM. No phone calls or Skype. Until tonight. I was seriously so happy to see his face. I teared up a little bit as we were talking but we didn't have very long, so I didn't want to lose it on camera. He told me he got 3 of my packages yesterday at once (they only go so often to the FOB to get their mail) and so he was a pretty happy camper.
After he signed off, I cried. Pretty hard. I had been doing pretty good these last couple weeks and then seeing him, I fell apart. It makes me wonder about that phrase "out of sight, out of mind." Maybe not seeing him lately and just IMing was helping the time go by faster. I get reassurance that he's okay, but I don't see him. Not that I don't want to see him, of course. I can't even express how happy I was to first see his face. But it does make me think a little. Emotionally, deployments are a hard ride and I'm still trying to figure out the healthiest mindset for getting through them.
My favorite word lately is endure. It's quite the motivational word, especially for a distance runner and Army wife. The Bible uses the phrase over and over "his love endures forever." Since I've been quite fascinated with the word lately, I decided to put it into dictionary.com.
Then I thought back to the verse. "His love endures forever." Pretty much all of these definitions describe God's enduring love for us. As Christians, we're called to daily try to imitate Christ. The phrase that stuck out to me is "suffer patiently." Sometimes I feel like I'm enduring the deployment by suffering it very impatiently.
But we endure something that hard because it's something that's worth enduring.
After he signed off, I cried. Pretty hard. I had been doing pretty good these last couple weeks and then seeing him, I fell apart. It makes me wonder about that phrase "out of sight, out of mind." Maybe not seeing him lately and just IMing was helping the time go by faster. I get reassurance that he's okay, but I don't see him. Not that I don't want to see him, of course. I can't even express how happy I was to first see his face. But it does make me think a little. Emotionally, deployments are a hard ride and I'm still trying to figure out the healthiest mindset for getting through them.
My favorite word lately is endure. It's quite the motivational word, especially for a distance runner and Army wife. The Bible uses the phrase over and over "his love endures forever." Since I've been quite fascinated with the word lately, I decided to put it into dictionary.com.
verb (used with object)
1.
to hold out against; sustain without impairment or yielding;undergo: to endure great financial pressures with equanimity.
2.
to bear without resistance or with patience; tolerate: I cannot endure your insults any longer.
verb (used without object)
5.
to support adverse force or influence of any kind; suffer without yielding; suffer patiently: Even in the darkest ages humanity has endured.
6.
to have or gain continued or lasting acknowledgment or recognition, as of worth, merit or greatness: His plays have endured for more than three centuries.
Then I thought back to the verse. "His love endures forever." Pretty much all of these definitions describe God's enduring love for us. As Christians, we're called to daily try to imitate Christ. The phrase that stuck out to me is "suffer patiently." Sometimes I feel like I'm enduring the deployment by suffering it very impatiently.
But we endure something that hard because it's something that's worth enduring.
I mentioned before that if I were to get a tattoo, it would be a bird tattoo. Well, I've changed my mind now. At this point, I would be sick of the bird tattoo (a good reason why I shouldn't get a tattoo to begin with) and now I would want to tattoo "endure" on my foot. Of course, I still wrote on my foot with a pen to see what it would look like. Because I'm a dork like that.
But instead of actually getting the tattoo, I found this really cool necklace on Etsy.
What do you think? Even though you would probably never ever give up Skype, do you think it's possible that it can make you miss your soldier more?
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I love the endure tattoo idea and the necklace. Very cool. If I get another tattoo (I already have a yellow rose), I'd get "believe."
ReplyDeleteSkype can be a double edged sword. We had many technical issues with it when my husband first went downrange. It was so frustrating because there was this idea that I'd get to see him, then I wouldn't. Harrumph. We later got it sorted out. It can definitely be a mix of emotions. (I'm relieved to see that you are ok, I'm worried that I won't see you again, we have so much to talk about but I can't think of what to say, etc.)
Keep hanging in there, and enduring. You are doing the best you can right now which is exactly what you should be doing!*
I love the word "endure" for many reasons- one you hit right on the head. As military spouses we must endure many different things in order to keep our marriages strong. I love the idea of the tattoo I think on the inside of my wrist for me. Maybe I need to write it on mine to see if I like it. That is a great idea!
ReplyDeleteSkype, I remember the days of no skype only Yahoo chat-uggg Not sure if it helps or hurts. My kids are always so excited but then cry so hard when their dad has to go. Which makes me sad. I love seeing my soldier's face but sometimes I think chatting is much better. Hang in there you can do it!
Thanks Amanda!
DeleteI understand exactly how you feel. When my boyfriend was deployed, we skyped almost everyday, sometimes twice a day. I felt incredibly lucky to be able to talk to him that often. I knew other couples who only skyped a few times throughout the deployment, and I always thought that I wouldn't have been able to handle that. I am realizing, though, that they probably knew something we didn't. I had a really tough time emotionally during his deployment and cried almost every time we had to say goodbye on skype. Now, my boyfriend is at Ranger school (which is how I came across your blog), and as awful as it is not talking to him for weeks at a time, time definitely seems to pass more quickly when we are only writing letters. I just got a call last night that my boyfriend is recycling Florida for the second time, and I really appreciate this blog post. It motivated me to endure in spite of the bummer news. As far as the healthiest mindset for a deployment, I don't know either, but another word I like is "resilient." When you feel like you aren't enduring so well, it's helpful to remember that difficult circumstances won't defeat you. You do the best you can getting through the deployment, and you'll eventually come out stronger.
ReplyDeleteJulie
Ah hang in there Julie! I was just thinking recently how hard Ranger School must be this year because of the heat. :( I really like the word "resilient" too. Thanks so much for commenting and I'm glad you found my blog.
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