I've been thinking about this lately. My husband, being deployed, cannot be dependable emotional support. As much as he would like to be and as much as I would like him to be, it's just not gonna be like that. That's just how it is during a deployment.
So I get pretty emotional during um.. that time of the month. There have been a handful of times when I've just been like "Ahh! I need to talk to James now!" When he's home, he'll help me fix the problem. Or he'll get out his emergency stash of Ghirardelli raspberry dark chocolate squares and hold me until I feel better.
Obviously, those things can't be done over the internet. If I'm crying over the phone, it's really most going to make him feel helpless and frustrated that he can't be here.
But sometimes when I'm upset, I don't think that far ahead and I still think that talking/crying to James will make it better. There have been at least a half dozen times in the past few months that I've been upset and thought that I needed to talk to James. It seems like every single time, he hasn't been able to get on at his regular time because something else came up.
I thought about this and how frustrating it was at the time. By the time I talked to him in each of those situations, I was level-headed again and sometimes not even upset at all anymore. I didn't really need to talk to him during those times. In fact, we have been incredibly lucky at the consistency of communication that we've had for this first part of the deployment. It's silly that I should get frustrated when he doesn't get on at the time I expect to him to every day.
In hindsight, I think that it wasn't a coincidence that James wasn't able to get online during those times. I think it was God protecting us. God was saying to me "No, you don't really need James right now. I'm here and that's all you need."
I'm so glad. I know it's not always going to be perfect when I talk to James. There have been a couple times when I've been apparently noticeably sad and he did a pretty dang good job at cheering me up. I'll probably still break down over the phone at some point. Oh well. That's also in the nature of deployments, I suppose.
Basically, I'm saying that God has been pretty awesome lately. It still sucks that my hubby is away, but God's still here.